I feel like I'm at the lowest point of my life now,

But I know that it is not because what I'm looking for hasn't been found.

I don't have an answer on what I'm looking for is.

But I hate dying, in a living state like this.

The slightest thing bring me down, and then I want to escape.

Escape, and let go of everything for these negative thoughts sake.

But what is the future keeping for me? I want to be happy without feeling crappy.

I want to change this heart and mind to something happy.

I hate dying in my own eyes, I hate being sad.

Sometimes I can't stop it, it's making me sad.

I am my own demon, a scary one that is.

It's taking control of me. How can I live like this?

I did this in 3 minutes! Wowww.

+ How strange, stranger.

What are we?

This is a question that I volunteer to answer.

We are strangers at heart, the label "friend" is a blindfold.

I untie my blindfold with a heavy heart - a dangerous task.

What is left are the memories that is fading away, locked in my heart-

Which keys have been thrown away. Swallowed into my body.

A key that is able to bring back what used to be. The key is a rib piercing my heart.

An open heart towards you is an episode of death.

A flicked page of a memory left behind and forgotten.

A page which numbers I wouldn't want to turn back to.

Why don't we look at the future from a far.

Skip to the end of the book.

Reach at the end of the tunnel.

Be strangers.

Memories would not haunt that way.

Tears would not turn my cheeks to decay.

So why can't we let our memories die each day?

^^^^^^^

I just don't feel the happiness anymore. I go with a heavy heart. I try to remove it. But the stone just remains there. It's too heavy to move. Why do I feel this way?

+So, yeah.

Who cares whether it's a poem blog or what I'll just write whatever I want.

I cant stand how everything now a days is so uniformed. I feel trapped. Why can't things be more liberal and free? I really dislike things right now. I really want to stop studying and do what I am passionate about sometimes and just hope that I'll be content in life with what I would be doing (which I think I would). I miss how I would feel that butterfly happiness.. the one that butterflies will fly in your stomach and you'd feel really happy. I don't know. I miss that feeling. I'm a happy person! I ammmmmmmmmmmm. But there's that spark that isn't sparking like I want it to but it's just glowing, and slowly, it's going to die off.

So selfish, so selfish.

+Me, Myself and I. _you!

ZOE KAN

Firstly, I know that this isn't a poem but I cannot help myself!

[THE OUTER-COAT]

My name is Zoe and I am a girl/female/teenager/species.

I was born on the 26th of June 1995.

I like having straight bangs because I just like them, although I have a round forehead.

I was born with massively huge eyes but they (grew) smaller somehow.

I have double-eye-lid on my left eye and a single one on my right.

My right nostril is flatter than the other.

I have had short hair twice in my life and it didn't look good on me.

I have tonnes of split ends and I need to go trim my hair.

In a ponytail, my hair tend to fall infront of my right shoulder which is starting to annoy me.

I have a really flat nose which I do not really like but it is part of me and I am accepting it.

I have a really sharp chin which I realized in Form 2 by a friend!

My mum says I have nice ears.

I don't have nice teeth.

[INSIDE]

It would take a long time for me to write who I am or what I am. Because I am still in the midst of growing up. It is difficult to explain what I am or who I am now because I haven't fully discovered who I am yet. There are days where I am happy and days where I am sad and days where I feel weird. Normal emotions that other people do experience. I am like an empty jar filled with different beads day by day, learning from experiences and growing into myself and what God wants me to be. Everything around me makes me who I am. I am just knitting myself to who I am day by day. But right now, I am content with life and I am so blessed to have it. It is such a gold!

^^^^

BUT AS FAR AS I KNOW, I am an art piece painted by God. I am a creation, created with creativity to form what I am and what makes me, me. These details are the ingredients for me to be identified to the world. I am different and so are you! You are art so accept yourself for who you are. Remember that every single one of you are master pieces, and beautiful ones. You are art. Inside and out. It's amazing once you realize that everyone is worth something and is something different to this world. There is so much in one person, so much. It is amazing.

Goodbye!

+First!

So, no illustration for this, unless if I have the time to. And I'll just add the illustration in. But right now, I really feel like writing a poem. This line has been stuck in my head ever since yesterday! "The future is not bright, but only the past is." I know it sounds pessimistic but maybe it is because I had a thought about how the world is gradually dying. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but that is how I feel at the moment and I can't force myself to feel otherwise. I know that maybe something good might come. But I just had that thought somehow. I just thought of how the world used to be such a nice, clean, beautiful place that I would love to wake up to. The world just seemed to have a brighter and better future in the past. I don't know how to put it but I hope you understand.

^^^^

Through these two eyes in my head I see the world from a tiny scope of sadness.

The future I imagine and want is the past that I have never lived in,

Heart-beating fun nights with sounds of happiness and breaths of bliss through the streets-

Late at night before and after dinner, where the folks meet.

People, living life like it is supposed to be.

All happy, trapped in a life that is beautiful and free,

As I stare at the mirror and meet the girl called "me" I asked her,

"What did we do? What happened? What is causing us to suffer?"

"I can see you!" I wish I could say to the fishes, hoping that they would answer me with a bubble,

Water so clear, it hugs you with its transparent arms after a sandwich under the tree, beside the pebbles.

Trees taking over the earth, like a tribe dancing and waving its arms giving us air to breathe, as we lie under them, and look through the breaking lights between the leaves,

And then I close my eyes for a deep breath, and notice it was just a dream.

And I am back to my nightmare. I look out- the world is a disease.

^^^^

I pray to God everyday that the world would be a better place. And I just hope it will. When? I don't know. I have been looking at a small scope and I have been too caught up with the lifestyle of the era I live in, and somehow, just somehow, from what I see now, everything seemed happier, peaceful and better in the past.

+ Hello! (1)

Hi my name is Zoe. and,

I decided to do this blog because I love writing poems + drawing. And combining these two together and producing something would be nice! I won't be posting updates (on facebook) after every time I update because I would like to keep it personal and stuff. But I hope that people would come back here, and enjoy my illustrated poems! :) This post would be updated once a week or when I have a poem.

p/s : incase you can't see, that is a distorted picture of me which I edited. Coolest. Thing. Ever. Teehee (>'',<)

p/s/s|p/p/s (I can't remember) : I decided to do this blog in the beginning of February. But only decided to do this up few days ago!